Hi, my name is Deena and I'm a crazy dog mom.
I've only been this way for about 2.5 years, so I'm relatively new to the game when it comes to being obsessed with dogs — my dog, your dog, the dog I saw across the street when I was grabbing coffee, the dog I saw on Instagram. ALL DOGS. I personally have a giant 95-pound pup, but my love for four-legged friends extends to dogs of all shapes and sizes.
And the more I socialize with other crazy dog moms, because that's what we do, there are a few million things I've learned about our kind. If you're also a crazy dog mom, you'll get it. (By the way, when we say "crazy," we mean "best.")
Your dog is always the best part of your day.
Even if you're in the extremely exciting honeymoon phase of a relationship with another human being, nothing compares to the joy of seeing how happy your dog is to see you — even if you've only been gone to the bathroom.
And no matter how sad/angry/frustrated you are when you walk in the door, you can't help but smile and realize how good things are when you see that tail wag.
You miss them SO much when you're away.
They're always happy to see you, but you're just as happy to see them. Whether you're at work, on vacation, or just at the grocery store, when you're a crazy dog mom, you truly miss your four-legged friend.
You can never stay mad.
Sure, Donut ate your favorite pair of leather boots and your window sill in the same 24 hours, but how can you resist that very apologetic face?! A crazy dog mom can't.
You have no qualms about dressing them up.
Every holiday is an excuse to buy a new festive collar and nothing is better than Halloween, when it's totally acceptable to buy your dog a unicorn costume. #sorrynotsorry and everyone on your Instagram feed agrees. Plus, making them slightly suffer for your personal amusement helps to make up for the boot incident mentioned above.
OH, and don't get us started on dog birthday parties...
You cry over sad stories about other dogs.
We all hold our dogs a little tighter after reading a terribly sad story about a dog on Facebook — because you, of course, follow 284 dog rescue organizations.
You share every cute dog GIF/video you see.
For every truly awful story you read, there are also lots of stories with happy endings for pups, fortunately. And there's no shortage of hilarious and adorable GIFs and videos of dogs on the Internet, and you share them with every like-minded crazy dog mom you know.
Bonus points if you find something with dogs AND babies.
Your dog is the cutest/smartest/best dog ever.
While you do love and appreciate other dogs, yours will always be at the top of your list. And that's how it should be.
Your phone is literally FILLED with pictures of your dog.
Even if you have real human children, we bet you have just as many — or more — cute snaps of your pup on your camera roll. In fact, you keep getting those "storage almost full" warnings on your phone because you took 537 pictures of your doggie yesterday.
Also, if you're a crazy dog mom you've probably even trained your dog to take selfies with you. It's fine.
You've become a total sucker.
At this point, your dog knows if it's super cute and cuddly, then gets up and sits by the pantry door, 10 times out of 10 you'll get your butt off the couch and get it a treat. Dogs can be extremely well trained, but they probably have you better trained. But what's the fun of being a crazy dog mom if you can't spoil your pup?!
You firmly believe every dog deserves a warm, loving, happy home.
Every dog in the whole wide world should have what your dog has.
There's no such thing as too much slobber.
Before you were a crazy dog mom, you probably hated when friends' dogs would slobber on you or try to lick your face. Now, there's literally nothing that could gross you out when it comes to those big goofy dog kisses.
You spend more time talking to them than your friends.
Sure, friends are great when you want to go to the movies or to a restaurant without a patio, but your dog is the only one who truly gets you and knows just how to listen. Granted, they typically pass gas or wander off to get a toy when you're in the middle of spilling your heart out, but you never mind much.
You know every dog-friendly place in a 50-mile radius.
When you're a crazy dog mom, you go out of your way to bring your pooch places, so you memorize every restaurant in town with a patio. And you also know where they keep the treats and water bowls there.
You'd do ANYTHING for them.
Before you're a crazy dog mom, things like spending thousands of dollars on a dog dermatology sound completely insane. Ludicrous. It's a DOG, for goodness sake. But when it's your fur baby, all bets are off. You'd give up pretty much everything to keep your dog safe and healthy.
Watching them sleep is always entertaining.
This is mostly because they find the craziest positions to sleep in! You're probably constantly asking yourself, "HOW is that possibly comfortable?!" as your dog sleeps upside down with its head off the couch and arms stretched up in the air.
Also, doggie snoring is SO much cuter than boyfriend snoring — fact.
Even the thought of them passing away is too much to handle.
If you ever want to make a crazy dog mom cry, just start to mention life without her dog. Thinking about the dreadful day when your dog is no longer with you makes your heart hurt in a way you can't begin to describe.
Once a crazy dog mom, always a crazy dog mom.
There's no turning back once you've become obsessed with dogs. You're all-in and you wouldn't have it any other way. Because no one else will love your dog like you do — and that's what makes a crazy dog mom happiest.