Make fun of basic bitches all you want, but the second you feel the weather turn nippy and zip up a North Face for the first time in months, you start to feel that telltale zing of excitement. We're all a little basic when it comes to the cozy pleasures of fall; who can resist a solid buffalo check or the tempting pull of a pumpkin spice Danish in a bakery case? No one, that's who.
Below are 8 steps in the Basic Girl's Guide to Fall, because real talk, you totally came here not to bash on The Basics, but to get ideas on what to do this week.
1. Get On That Pumpkin Spice Latte Grind
You guys, it's time. We've been saving a little nest egg all summer for our pumpkin spice addiction and it's time to take out the tiny hammer and break the jar where the dollars have been stowed. Now that it's cold enough (erm, kind of) to get off the "iced" gravy train, we can switch over to nutmeg and cinnamon hints in our foamy lattes. And while we're walking to the coffee shop, we, of course, will need to tell everyone how cozy it's going to feel drinking the quintessentially fall beverage. Because it will. Oh, it will.
2. Unpack The Infinity Scarves
We've spent a questionable amount of money on knit infinity scarves last year, but #noregrets. It won't actually keep us warm when the wind blows because of the artful way we'll drape, and we basically just need it to wear indoors and all day long, but it was so necessary. Now that the leaves are turning Pottery Barn-candle shades of vanilla-bourbon and spicy cranberry, we can bundle that sucker up to our chin, pull our sweater sleeves over our hands, and spend the afternoon doing whatever a Basic does. I don't know, loiter in the kale section of Whole Foods? Yes? Whatever, meet you there.
3. Be Reunited With Our Black Leggings
We've gone through a whole season of shaving our legs and wearing tiny shorts that sort-of-kind-of make us regret the Sara Lee cheesecake that never makes it back into the freezer, but that ends here. It's time for leggings, which alternatively means it's time to unpin all those squat and lunge workouts that have been hovering in our "likes" folder. Halle-freakin-lluja.
4. Remind Everyone It's Sweater Weather
No one would remember to bring out the knits if they didn't have us in their lives. I mean, why do they think we keep announcing that appropriate cable-knit-wearing weather has arrived- what, for our health? No. Nevermind that the temperature dipped 30 degrees cooler; if they didn't have us chiming in like clock-work that it's sweater weather they'd be stuck walking around in striped tanks and Birkenstocks till the dead of winter. So really, we're doing a public service. You're welcome, America.
5. Buy A Pumpkin And Treat It Like A Baby
Take out your planner and pencil this into a Saturday: It's time to go to a pumpkin farm and lovingly pick out our little number (while steadfastly ignoring pumpkin farms are pretty boring if elephant ears or large amounts of spiked cider aren't involved), and then proceed to treat the pumpkin like a small baby. We'll take pictures in the patch like we just unearthed a real life Cabbage Patch kid, then Snapchat it buckled in and safe in our car.
But we all know once we get home, that sucker is just going to be plopped on the counter and then ignored till the last of the Halloween candy has been eaten and our mind is moving toward candied yams and cranberry stuffing. Ah well, c'est la vie.
6. Get On The Plum Lipstick Regimen
Dark lipstick shmootzed on our coffee lids, cranberry shades left on top of our cats' angrily furrowed heads, wine colored smears on our white pillow cases: It's time to pack away the cotton candy pinks and turn this show vampy. While boyfriends are now annoyed we're unkissable and our dry-cleaners are annoyed we make them work a little harder with the blouse drop-offs, we couldn't be more pumped to leave a mark just about everywhere we go.
7. Insta Our Boots From A Pile Of Raked Leaves
You know the move: You stop mid-stride on the way to the bus, nearly making the guy juggling the newspaper and Danish collide right into you, but it's okay because ermygod you found the perfect assortment of red, orange, and gold leaves to show off your new booties. Instagram that shit, and Instagram it fast. Collect those delicious likes before you step into work for a pep in your step that not even a salted caramel mocha could give you.
8. Digivolve Into a Lumberjack
But a stylish lumberjack - one that wears plaid with Chanel No. 5 and yoga pants that cost as much as a week's worth of groceries. So don't judge us. But rather...join us. You know you're dying to.