1. Every meal ends with chocolate.
Yes, even breakfast.
2. Much of your time at parties is spent contemplating how many brownies you can get away with eating before being judged.
There's no room for this kind of negativity in your life.
3. You enthusiastically agree with any and every article saying chocolate is good for you.
4. And assume anyone saying otherwise is misinformed.
5. Chocolate > sex.
Let's not lie to ourselves, friends.
6. Sure, maybe you could cut back a bit, but...
All the cookies!
All the batter!
AND WHATEVER THIS GLORIOUS MELTING CREATION IS!
9. And on Valentine's Day...
This isn't the time nor the place.