No matter how a relationship comes to an end, there’s some recovery time involved. Whether you’re the dumper or the dumpee, there is a mourning period that is often part anger, part heartache, and probably quite a bit of blame passing, too. It’s not easy to see something that you were so invested in come to an end, and because that’s the case, many of us hang on to the idea of our ex longer than we should.
But eventually things get easier. Time heals all wounds — as they say — and you come to the realization that you’re moving onward and upward. You’re evolving away from your past and toward a life where your ex is just a distant memory. Not sure what I mean? If you can check off the following, then you know exactly what I’m talking about and now it's time to realize how far you’ve come.
1. You stop comparing them to everyone you meet.
When you first start dating people after a breakup it’s near impossible not to compare every single person you meet to your ex. Your ex was funnier, taller, a better kisser, and even knew how to pull off being adorable while being a total jerk ― I get it. But when you stop comparing, you actually get to see that other people have awesome things about them, too. Different can be better and often that's the case.
2. The thought of running into them doesn’t make you sick.
Once upon a time there was a good chance you avoided any place you might run into your ex out of fear of seeing them then puking all over yourself ― a vicious side effect of a breakup that we’ve all experienced. When you can go to those places without a vomit bag in your handbag, then you’ve made some serious progress.
3. You no longer feel the need to stalk them online.
It was a damn shame that they unfriended you on Facebook and you had to online stalk them in other ways (Instagram, maybe?), but getting over them means realizing you haven’t stalked them in weeks and the longing to do so is gone. And even when you sneak a peek you don't fill with rage if they look like they're having fun in a new picture.
4. You can look at old photos without having an emotional breakdown.
One of Carrie Bradshaw’s breakup rules that really made sense (because sometimes she just did NOT make sense) was: “Destroy all pictures where he looks sexy and you look happy.” Yes, this is great advice, but should you choose not to destroy those photos, you'll know things are on the upswing when you come across one of them and you don’t feel like you’re dying inside.
5. You’re able to finally ignore their late night booty calls.
After every breakup, there is almost always a series of hookups, in which you are given hope that maybe it will work out. It’s when you ignore those texts and just go back to sleep that you’re over it. I mean, you have a vibrator, don’t you?
6. You don’t want to stab yourself in the eye if you find out they’re dating someone new.
In fact, not only do you not want to stab yourself in the eye, but ― wait for it ― you’re happy for them. Well, as happy as one can be when the person they used to love has moved on and just might love someone else. The one might take the longest.
7. You’ve lost all interest in talking smack about them.
While there was once a time where every person you knew would tell you to shut the hell up about your ex, you eventually reach a point where you don’t even care to talk about them. You don’t want to talk about the bad stuff, the good stuff, or even the mundane stuff. You simply have better things to discuss with those around you.
8. You have stopped torturing yourself by asking “why?” over and over.
Oh, the inevitable, “Why? Why didn’t it work?!” It happens to all of us, even if we were the ones doing the dumping. But being over someone means you stop asking questions and analyzing the “what if?” because you know it’s just a waste of time.
9. You can finally see clearly that you broke up for a reason.
If you were supposed to be together, if you were fated or meant to be (or however you want to define it) you wouldn’t have broken up. Truly being over your ex means looking at the situation and realizing that you just weren’t a good fit and knowing that you absolutely will find love again.