There's nothing quite like that first moment you step into your first bar as a newly single lady. It's a medley of nerves and excitement, you swaggering into the joint with your new dress on and an apprehensive smile. You're ready for the cocktails people will buy for you and the saucy winks you'll be throwing all reckless-like all night.
But then on the flip-side, you also walk into the place anxious that you'll end up in the corner while humming Adele songs to yourself, weighing the idea of possibly texting our ex. It's a roller coaster, and we're about to go on it. Below are 23 feelings you'll have going out the first time newly single.
1. I'm a regular Samantha Jones right now – I look hot, I have a sexy pun ready for any man who thinks to buy me a martini, and I feel saucy with the fact that I can finally hook up with anyone. Anyone!
2. Wait, no I can't. Nope, this is terrifying. Nobody look at me.
3. How do people even approach each other – do I buy them a drink and come up to them, or is that too Craigslist killer? Or am I the skeevy guy now at the bar, trying to pick people up by liquoring them up?
4. Is it bad I'm kind of okay with that?
5. Oh my God I feel like a 40 year old divorcé.
6. This place sucks. I should be in bed right now, snuggling someone. Ugh, I miss my boyfriend.
7. No, I HATE my boyfriend. No good, never-dish-washing, Napoleon complex swaggering, arse. To hell with him.
8. Now I need a shot.
9. Ugh, why haven't I gotten the bartender's attention yet? I literally feel myself getting dehydrated.
10. It's because I'm not pretty. I'm a mountain troll that just clambered down from its nest and no one wants to – oh, he's looking at me. One jack and coke please.
11. Maybe I should get comfortably hammered to loosen up. Then maybe this will be easier.
12. I feel like I'm in a Match.com commercial. This is mortifying.
13. Do I even want to meet anyone? I mean, what's the point really? Next thing you'll know me and Mr. Sweater Blazer over there will have a gin and tonic together and then we'll be off looking at listings in the more residential side of town, even though we actually secretly hate each other...and so I'll be in the same place as I am now in two years tops. Why not just skip all that, right?
14. I knew I should have never shaved my legs and stayed home. They were like my badge of honor.
15. Ugh, why are these two making out in front of me. Gross, get away. Where's my mace.
16. I want to make out with someone.
17. Maybe I should text Him just one last time? And by Him, I don't mean Jesus.
18. Yea I think I'll do that.
19. Oh my god what am I doing? *Throws phone on ground and breaks it with stiletto.*
20. Better, much better.
21. K, I'm going home, this is too much. Wait, are you smiling at me? Me? Oh, he's kind of cute. Oh, he's buying me a drink. This is kind of nice.
22. K...I think I might stay awhile after all.
23. Though I'll prob have to take five and breathe into a brown bag in the bathroom in a couple of minutes. Welcome back singledom, I might have missed you.
