It always happens on a whim: One of you gets heated over something insignificant, and then next thing you know you're going at it in the living room, turning the little room into a Hunger Games arena. All of a sudden that small slight represents everything absolutely wrong with your relationship and, before you can stop it, you say it: You want to break up. And by that you mean...for the full whole hour you're mad.
As the last of the red mists disappear from your vision, you realize you might have made a bit of a mistake and start going through the well-known steps of taking it all back. Below are the seven stages on the one day breakup- because we've all been through it. #hotblooded.
1. The Breaking Point
You walk into the kitchen and see his stacked pots and dishes for the nine-hundredth time/notice the wet towel crumpled in the corner of the bathroom yet again/pick up his scattered clothes strategically placed near the hamper...and snap. Next thing you know you're yelling at each other from opposites side of the room, bringing up how he looked at that one girl a minute too long four months ago, and your living room turns into Mad Max times. Next thing you know, you're calling it: It's over. Now get out of my face.
2. Self Righteous Fury
One of you slams the front door and leaves, and you're left there vibrating with self righteous fury. You hate him, that much you know. Ew, how did you spend all those months holed up with him, wasting away precious Friday nights watching shows in your sweatpants? Like a middle aged couple. Well, at least you had the sense to get out. He can go, and take his dirty dishes/wet towels/stinky socks with him.
3. You Announce It To Absolutely Everyone
You do the equivalent of throwing the Batman sign into the sky and call up all your friends with the exciting news. You kicked the scrub to the curb and you're ready to go dance to Beyonce and drink vodka on the rocks, or whatever it is single people do.
And as everyone asks what on earth happened, you're only too willing to tell them all the terrible, aggravating, I-hate-the-ground-he-walks-on details. Which is always a great idea. Because on the teensy-tiny chance you somehow do get back together...they will now forever know him as the starting-to-bald good-for-nothing who eats all your groceries and has a secret obsession with Toddlers and Tiaras. Which isn't the easiest thing to reverse.
4. The Cool Down
It's been two hours and as you're curled up on the couch watching Frasier reruns...you begin to find it hard to keep that permascowl on your face. You glance at the clock and wonder where he is. Not that you care, you're just curious where he got to. You glance at the door and start to feel the last of your temper fade. And begin to wonder if you might have handled that in a better way.
5. The First Text
You text him an aloof, I-dont-actually-care text asking where he is. He, of course, doesn't answer. You send another. And then another. And then you have sent 10 in a row and might have lost that flippant, "whatever" edge you were after. You might have just called your own bluff on the breakup thing.
6. You Now Have To Deal With Being "The Girlfriend That Lost Her Shizz Over ___"
The same way you sent an SOS to all your friends about your breakup, he did the same with his. And now you'll forever be know as "that one girlfriend that lost her mind over a Facebook like," or "that one girl that went bat sh*t over the dishes." Which is so not accurate...kind of. They weren't there. They don't understand.
7. You Realize: This Is Just The Beginning Of Your New Habit
You think this was a rash one-time thing? Please. You just started a new habit. Every other time you'll get into a heated argument one of you will taunt the other with, "What are you gonna do, breakup with me again?" Low blow. But after doing it once, it just rolls of the tongue. Wave goodbye to the honeymoon stage, kids. You've got a real relationship now.