We've all been on a date so awful we contemplated escaping out the bathroom window. Thank goodness there are less dramatic ways to quickly end a bad date. Here's how:
Always be prepared.
First dates come with a certain level of unpredictability - it's very much date at your own risk! Therefore it is always smart to have a backup plan, just in case the guy is a foot shorter than his profile claimed or he doesn't look at all like his picture or the date is just so awful that you absolutely cannot spend another second with the person. There is always the old pre-planned phone call excuse, when you arrange for your friend or your mom to call 30 minutes into the date and if you need to use the excuse, you suddenly have a perfectly timed personal emergency and you're gone.
A girl I know always has a backup plan worked into every first date: she schedules the date with a disclaimer that she can only meet for a drink or two because she has dinner plans afterwards. This way, if the date is horrible you have an automatic out and if it's going well, you have the option of claiming your friend texted to cancel - also, conveniently leaving the possibility of drinks turning into a dinner date.
Faking an illness works every. single. time.
If you absolutely cannot stand being on the date for one more minute, start to fake a little nausea and excuse yourself to the restroom. Return to the table after an unreasonable amount of time and say you are sick and have to leave, immediately. Trust me, "I think I had a bad oyster" goes a long way. And do not leave time for the inevitable "Well, can I at least walk you home?" line, just get out of there! The faster, the more believable.
Note to self: The downside to the illness excuse is it is almost always followed up the next day with a phone call from the bad oyster to see how you're feeling - guys literally cannot take the hint! "Feeling better?" "Actually, I think I'm dying. But it was so nice meeting you, have a nice life."
Look visibly bored.
There's no easier way to kill a date than to be so obviously bored that your date can actually feel the awkwardness. I suggest yawning. Several times. And if you're one of the lucky ones and your date actually asks, "You seem super tired, are you okay?" try not to scream of excitement, "YES! I am tired! Thank you for noticing the subtle signs I have been sending you for the last 20 minutes, but I have an early morning so I better go." I don't care if it's only 7:00 PM, the earlier the better - your date might actually take the hint and save you from any more painful communication in the future.
If you're on a dinner date, order wisely! There is no better (or worse) way to drag out a bad date than to have to sit through an entire three-course meal with them. You will likely know by the time the server comes to take your food order whether or not the date is going to be awful and usually you will know before you even finish your first drink. So, when you order, opt for an appetizer or a small salad, even dessert works, just avoid ordering a main course or anything requiring extra prep time at all costs!
And for the truly tragic experiences, if you just can't stand to sit at the table any longer than you already have, answer the "What would you like to order?" question with something along the lines of, "Nothing for me, thanks." Hopefully, your date then follows your lead and doesn't order the lobster dinner or you may be stuck there for a while (in which case, see 'faking an illness' above).
While it may be harder than it sounds, flat out saying "I just don't see this working out" is a sure way to end a bad date - instantly.
If you're just not capable of the whole honesty thing, you can also slightly stretch the truth...
It doesn't really matter what you say, just clearly make the point that you and this person have absolutely no future together, there will be no second date and there is no chance of you sleeping together. Fast and easy, like ripping off a bandaid, because there really is no where to go from there but home. Bye Felicia!
Lastly, and most importantly, be very aware of the signals you're sending, right from the very beginning and before you have determined this is a bad date that you need to end. I highly advise against any and all physical contact with a bad date - that means none, whatsoever! The best way to get stuck on a bad date is to let the person think it's going really well. When you're in the dating game, any physical contact at all is construed as an invitation, whether it be an invitation to keep the date going or an invitation to have sex, the signal is sent and you have very little chance escaping this date quickly. First dates love to misconstrue signals and you're not helping your cause by sending mixed signals.
So lets recap, just to be safe, on a first date, always keep your hands to yourself - at least long enough to determine whether or not you want to face the consequences of such physical contact. And in life, it's always better to be safe than sorry, especially when it comes to really, really bad dates.
Good luck out there!