While finding a date is a piece of cake when you have a stack of boys waiting to say hello to you in your phone, finding a relationship is a whole other issue. Going through witty banter for a couple of hours and agreeing to meet for drinks takes almost no effort at all, but once you actually meet up it all seems to take a peculiar turn.
Either they weren't quite what you expected, or maybe they were working their charm at 90 percent rather than 100, and you can't be bothered to deal with that lack of commitment. The online dating world makes us ruthlessly picky among other things, and that's why we might find it hard to find something that lasts longer than a handful of weekends. Below are seven reasons why it's hard to find a relationship in the easy world of online dating.
1. We've Got The Option To Be Picky
How many times have you gotten in the zone of swiping left and then accidentally tossed out a super handsome guy because your thumb went on auto-pilot. It's happened more times to me than I'd like to count, and I'm convinced each of those men were probably the loves of my lives and now I'll never meet them. Sigh.
But that's the thing: Now that we can meet people through a little screen rather than in person, you can be so much pickier because you have a whole deck of dudes waiting to talk to you. Whereas if you met one of them at the bar and he was a 7 rather than a stone cold 9, you'd probably get a little smitten by him because his personality is amazing and he's got a killer smile. But now you'd never know that.
2. Intentions Are Unclear
Say you went on a date because you wanted to get to know the guy and maybe get a burger out of it. Now say that same guy showed up because he thought he could convince you back to his place to show you his "vacation pictures" from 2013. While there's nothing wrong with that, sometimes the party's intentions are unclear, and it's slightly irritating spending an evening coming to that disappointing conclusion.
3. It Inflates Standards To Unfair Proportions
Because you have a line of suitors waiting for you in your back pocket, it could make you incredibly trigger happy when it comes to rejection. Rather than enjoying a first date and being curious what the second one might bring, you might catch yourself thinking he wasn't chatty enough, didn't make you laugh through the first course, and wasn't even close to measuring up to your x, y, z standard. Not that there's anything wrong with standards, but when you meet people in an organic way and go out, it seems like there's more leeway on what cuts it and what doesn't. Because it was an awesome moment moving from strangers to friends during your chance meeting at the bar/ the train cart/ book store. Meeting throw a "hey what's up" on a screen just doesn't hold as much weight.
4. You Get A Curated Version Of The Person
Think of Tinder: Only your hottest pictures are up there, and you choose to share your most interesting side. Your adventure pictures are up there, you have clever, funny quips as your profile tag, and everything you present is a carefully curated version of the real you.
Is it any wonder that it can be a tad surprising when the person you meet in person might be a couple of shades off from that profile persona? But encountering that is usually followed by a slight jolt of disappointment, and so they lose a couple of points right from the bat. Instead of being attracted to the real him, we find ourselves wanting the idea of him.
5. We've Created A Hookup Culture
How many of us actually have "The Talk" anymore? How many times have you dated the same person for months but never actually made it official? Or more telling still, how many times have you had someone you enjoyed hanging out with, but still kept flipping through Tinder and lining up after-work drinks? When finding a date is as easy as matching in between coffee breaks, we've become glutens for sparks. The thrill of the chase is half the fun, and so settling down with one person and watching Netflix on Friday nights has sort of lost its appeal.
6. We've Heard "Stories"
With almost everyone online dating, you might have heard your fair share of stories about how your friends got screwed over in their relationships. Maybe it was a rom-com montage the first couple of months, but then it all headed downhill and the guy started leaving wet towels on top of bed sheets and calling drunk at three in the morning.
Um, hard pass, thanks.
The more and more stories you hear of how these randos turned into terrible partners might make you want to become more weary when finding someone to go steady with.
7. Closing The Book Is Super Easy
When you don't like someone, you just stop answering them back. "Phasing them out," as the kids call it. Or if someone is being too persistent and you're not into it, you just click "unmatch" and -poof!- they no longer exist in your life. It's as easy as that.
When you have the option to cut ties behind the safety of a screen rather than in person like the good ol' Meg Ryan days, it becomes so much easier to walk out on someone. And so we do it, because why struggle with an okay match when you can go out there and find a great one? Allegedly, at least.
And so we become pickier and more high maintenance and a little blind to all the amazing qualities a person could bring to the table if only we let them, making it harder to find a long term relationship. But the nice thing is, if you catch yourself doing it, you can turn it all around.