No matter how good you think your sex life is, it can be better. If you’re scratching your head, wondering how that could possibly be because your sex life really is THAT awesome, then I need you to focus and answer this one question: Do you communicate, as in talk to your partner, during sex? If you answered, “No,” then that right there is a sign that, yes, you can have a better sex life, because communication is a big part of it.
Since sex education and sex positive advice is kinda my thing, pay attention, dear reader, because I have some life-changing tips for you.
As I said, communication is insanely important when it comes to having a great sex life. If you’re thinking, “I can’t talk dirty!” Then you’re not understanding me. When I say you need to communicate, I don’t mean you need to talk dirty; I mean you need to tell your partner what you like, don’t like, want to try, or never try again. Those four basic things right there, if you take the time to talk about them, will drastically improve things.
2. Don’t be afraid to give direction.
In keeping with the whole communication thing, you need to be able to give direction and, if your partner gives you direction, accept it and not take offense to it. It doesn’t matter if you sleep with men or women, what feels good is different for everyone and since that’s the case everyone can use a little direction. Yes, even you can use a little direction, too.
3. Step out of your comfort zone.
You know what’s really great for improving your sex life? Spicing things up; like way up. I’m not suggesting you go out right now and invest in costumes and join the furry community (unless you want to!), but you should definitely be open to new things – new positions, new places, and new techniques.
4. Don’t focus on having an orgasm.
While orgasms are great, they’re not the only component to great sex. If you take the obsession to climax out of the equation and enjoy the ride as is, not only will sex be better, but you’re more likely to orgasm, too. Why? Because you’ve let go and letting go is essential when it comes to better sex.
5. Embrace foreplay.
Here’s a fun fact: It can take a woman up to 20 minutes to be fully aroused. And, if you didn’t know, arousal makes the body, oh how do I say this delicately without getting super graphic… um, ready for sex… know what I mean? When your body is ready to go, sex is even better than if you’re not ready to go (I feel like I’m talking in riddles here), so you want to be ready to go. Also, in working your way up to actual intercourse with foreplay, you’re prolonging your whole sex sesh, and who doesn’t want that?
6. Make an effort to be healthy.
As someone who can eat pizza, donuts, ice cream, cake, and everything else “bad” 24/7 and not really care all that much what it’s doing to me, I can understand your hesitation to keep reading this tip, but please do! The truth is people who are active and eat healthy, relatively speaking, tend to have better sex. Healthy foods like almonds and arugula (and a whole slew of others) act as natural libido boosters (sorry, pizza is doing nada for your libido) and those who exercise, at least moderately, have higher sex drives and more stamina.
7. Get out of your head.
One of the big issues that many women face when it comes to sex is worrying about their bodies instead of focusing on the fun to be had. Too many women cover up, will only have sex in the dark, and won’t even dare to walk across the room naked. As a woman, I get it. But what I get even more is that we all have body insecurities – even guys – and if we allow those insecurities to overtake our brain, then our sex lives suffer. Don’t let that happen. You’re hot; like so hot, every single inch of you.
8. Teach yourself about human anatomy.
People who have awesome sex know that there’s more to it than a penis going into a vagina. These people know about erogenous zones, the parts of the penis, parts of the vagina, and the fun fact that not only does the clitoris have over 8,000 nerve endings, but it’s the only part of the human body that exists solely for pleasure. Did you know that? Well, now you do. In understanding human anatomy, you’ll understand your partner’s body better and your body better, too – which is even more important, to be honest. Which brings us to…
9. Masturbate regularly.
Masturbation is one of the healthiest things you can for yourself. Like sex, its benefits are endless AND you don’t have to worry about STIs or unwanted pregnancies. But where it helps in making sex better is that masturbation teaches us how our body works and what we like. Masturbation, even if we’re having sex regularly, also keeps our brain and body in sex mode. What I mean is the more you masturbate, the more you want sex, and the more you want sex, as in the more you’re aroused, the better sex will be. When you have sex when you’re not in the mood, obviously it’s not going to be very exciting.
10. Quit being so serious!
Sex is fun! While it can definitely be serious, people who have great sex know to not take it THAT seriously all the time, and just go with it. It’s OK to laugh during sex, have a giggle fit over a weird noise (that fart neither one of you will admit was yours), and just be your usual weird self. When you lighten up about sex, things not only get better – they get phenomenal.